Not An Island Podcast
Not An Island Podcast
Ep 12. The Superhero Within | Interview with Jeff and Jessica Carbajal
Connect with Jeff and Jessica on Instagram @theautismsuperhero
Empower the mission of inclusion and advocacy by supporting them and buying their merchandise at:
https://theautismsuperhero.com/
When Jeff and Jessica first learned their son was nonverbal and autistic, they never imagined they’d become superheroes in their own right. Yet, here they are: the duo behind the brand “The Autism Superhero”, turning their parenting journey into a celebration of diversity and resilience. Their story, rich with personal insights, unfolds in our latest episode, where they join us to talk about transforming struggle into empowerment, not just for themselves, but for families everywhere facing the challenge of raising a child on the autism spectrum.
The rollercoaster of emotions that accompanies a child’s autism diagnosis can be overwhelming; however, acceptance and advocacy carve a path to hope. Our conversation traverses the landscape of early intervention, educational planning, and harnessing the power of community. Jeff annd Jessica offer a unique glimpse into the balancing act of parenthood, discussing how normalizing experiences for children with special needs can foster a sense of inclusion. The candid sharing of these personal narratives promises to strike a chord with listeners, whether they're knee-deep in their own parenting odysseys or simply seeking understanding.
In the heart of this episode lies the core message: the unexpected strength found through conquering challenges. We reflect on the growth, the connections made, and the profound resilience parents unearth within themselves. Jeff and Jessica's journey, punctuated by moments of vulnerability and triumph, illuminates a path for other parents. Their tales of advocacy, hope, and acceptance remind us that while the road may be fraught with obstacles, it can also lead to a world of possibilities and support, highlighting the superhero within each of us.
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Hi everybody and welcome to Not an Island podcast. This is Todd and Amanda and we have a very awesome episode for you today with some good friends of ours. Jeff and Jessica Say hi, hello, hello. They are awesome. So they have this line for merch for people, families affected by autism. It's called Autism Superhero.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, guys, I'm going to let you, I'm going to let you guys tell kind of what it's all about.
Speaker 3:So we created this brand, the autism superhero, because of my son. My son is six years old who's diagnosed with autism and nonverbal. So basically, for us, we consider our son, you know, a little superhero amongst you know many, many other children and for my son it was just hard for us to, you know, kind of be out in public and have him play with other kids and for other kids his age or younger to understand you know what you know is going on with him. You know from, typically, a child asking oh, why doesn't he speak, and things like that. So as a mom, of course it crushed my heart. And how do you explain to another child his age? You know what's going on. Or he has autism, and then not, and then not being understanding. So you know just many little life, life, us, I guess, the skills that we've we've come across. And for my son I just wanted to create something where you know he's not being judged or other kids are not being judged, and we came up with the concept of a superhero because he's our superhero.
Speaker 3:So one thing led to the next. It's nobles, and we created many different superheroes boy, girl, you know, mom of superhero, dad of family, of friends of, and teachers and so forth. So we definitely do have a, you know, like a very selection. And recently we just dropped another merge of sweater for moms that says autism, mom on the collar you can get your child's name on the sleeve with the puzzle piece. So they're all custom orders. So these are definitely for the moms oversized sweaters, comfy, comfy, comfy and warm. Yes, yes, yes. So yeah, we just, you know, started little by little and we got a good feedback with the, with the superhero shirts, so we decided to start catering, you know, to moms and just you know, going from there and seeing how, how everything goes.
Speaker 1:Awesome, awesome.
Speaker 4:So that's awesome and you go check us out on Instagram. Is the autism superhero?
Speaker 2:Yes, go follow them. Actually, I'm going to put it down here on the bottom.
Speaker 1:You guys can see it. Whoever's watching you can see it. Go give them a follow, show them some love. Yeah, and let's support them.
Speaker 2:I just want to say to you like I love that idea so much to make something that's relatable to other children, because it's hard for our kids to connect with other kids sometimes and I just I think that's so incredible and that you have a way to explain it to them that they're like drawn in in a cool way, like, oh, you're a superhero, you know, like I love that, yeah definitely yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think it's a pretty cool thing. So, whether you're, you know you're all to stick or not. Just a child seeing another child with a superhero shirt. It's attractive. Yes, you know they see it, they want to know more and you know it's pretty cool. So, and like I said, we have to cater for everybody. Even if you're not on the spectrum, you could support and say friend of you're, also wearing a shirt as well. I love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do too. I think it's awesome. Yeah, that's an awesome idea. So you touched a little bit on your story, kind of what made you start this. So we're going to get into y'all's story a little bit more, if y'all are cool with that. So, uh, yeah, sure.
Speaker 3:Tell us about yourselves Tell us.
Speaker 3:So we so, basically I became a first time mom to my son, who is uh, who became out to a sick. We found out around two and a half, two, two and a half ish, and of course, being a first time mom is already challenging and scary, you know, not knowing what's going on. Having a baby and then add, you know, a label, however you want to call it, or them telling you that something's wrong. You know, at the time I had no idea what that was. I didn't know anything about autism I had. I just didn't know anything. I was completely clueless on top of me trying to navigate. Being a first time mom, right, and you know I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what exactly it was. And you know we took them to the, to the doctors, we took the proper channels and things like that. I guess you would say the day that we found out finally his diagnosis and things like that. Um, you know, our kind of our world kind of spinned a little bit.
Speaker 3:We had to kind of, you know, sit down, talk about it, regroup, figure out what's going on, figure out. I want to say at the time it's very important for me to know how and why. But, as you know, now in time, sometimes you don't know why or how. You just got to do what you got to do. Um, I want to say it didn't take us for like a big turn where I felt like there was friction in our marriage or like any in denial or like, uh, anything negative.
Speaker 3:I think, if anything, it was more so for me as a mom and I don't know if other moms can relate it was more of me trying to get the proper help that I needed to push forward for my son, because I did have a lot of self blame, yeah, and I, you know, I felt like it was my fault, no matter what he said or family said or anything Right.
Speaker 3:So I had to take that time to give myself that, that grief for that, or pity party, whatever you want to call it. And then I had to give myself a little pup talk like self. You can't do this. You got to keep going. We got to figure it out and push from there. So I feel like him and I work really well. We do what we have to do in order for our son. Anything that comes regarding our son, we're on the same page or we try to come together. He'll tell me like hey, I found this, or I'll tell him the same thing, and we always just have really good common grounds, that we're always very um, we communicate very well when it comes to that.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. That's awesome.
Speaker 4:So, guys and just to chime in on that it was, it was from the dads, for sure it was kind of hard seeing, it was kind of hard seeing mom go through that right, a lot of the self blame and stuff like that. So I was just trying to be encouraging and trying my best to let her know that is, you know, it's nothing that she could have done to, you know, change the outcome, right. So it was hard, you know, at first. And then, um, once you started doing more and more research and uh, we, me and her started coming together and brainstorming of how we were going to handle this and move forward, um, we got the ball rolling and we just, you just, kept going, never looked back to zero to this day and it hasn't slowed you guys down Like you're out here making differences.
Speaker 3:I think, I think, if anything, during a hard time, it kind of made it, um, like a productive and more of a of a powerful thing for us. So we, you know, we cried, we went through it, we felt through it, you know, we got ourselves back up and then we said, okay, this is our life, we can't cry about it, I can't be sad about it. What are we going to do? And you know anything, me and him are on the same page Anything to help our son. We're all full forward. Um, and yeah, if anything, I had to just figure it out and now it's just become a positive thing where I don't want another mom to feel that way, or a family, and I don't want anybody to feel that way, because, yes, being in this autism community could feel so big but so small at the same time. And you know, each story or or each person sharing something is helpful because, whether you have accepted it or not, we're all in this together, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and really, the sooner you accept that, the better off You'll be, the better it is yeah absolutely, yeah, definitely I think the fact that you guys went head to head with the hard time and with the feelings of guilt and everything and came out on the other side, I just I think that just speaks volumes, and you can't properly advocate and do the things that you guys are doing now without having that it's a part of a part of everyone's journey. This is not like butterflies and roses.
Speaker 1:It's hard, you know, yeah, and so the adage like it's not exactly to this, but it works with this is that you know, if you don't heal well, then you'll end up bleeding all over people who never touch you, you know, yeah, You've got to have a healed heart to be able to move, move mountains for your children to be able to be in a place where you can stand in the gap for them and this, honestly, this, this community of families with autism, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wish that definitely is true and I wish I would have listened or accepted that sooner. One thing I will say I have guilt onto this day and if I could do things over I would is because everything that you're saying agree 100% now, but at the time, as much, like you know, as I said, as much people would say it's not your fault or you know, you got to be positive because you got to be his advocate and you got to do it. It's like I felt stuck and I was like you don't know how I feel, you know, and so I don't get over this pump. I can't be that person who I want to be.
Speaker 3:So I wish that I would have snapped into it sooner, just because I think I spent more time self-blaming me and not and kind of like not pitting him, but just feeling so bad that I wasn't full head forward and trying to find, you know, not a solution, but trying to be like okay, what's next? Do we do early intervention? Do we do this? Do we do that? You know what I mean. But, like you said, you have to heal, because if you don't heal you're not moving forward. So it might've took me a little longer and for whatever that reason is, but just to come out on the other side. Like Amanda said, at that time, I don't think I saw that light at all.
Speaker 3:And now that I'm on the other side I'm like, wow, like it's possible, Like you can do it.
Speaker 2:We've definitely been there.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah 100% 100%.
Speaker 2:And I think it's crucial, though, that you go through, that you don't try to rush over it. You know, even though sometimes I wish I would have been out of it sooner too, I don't even think you can. You can, you can.
Speaker 3:I don't even think you can Cause as much as I think I would have. I would want to rush it. I don't think so. I just think it's a feeling that you're stuck and until whatever it is, however, it is that you're going to cope with it. Until you don't cope 100%, you're not going to see that light. So, whether you rushed it or not, I just don't think that's going to happen.
Speaker 1:It's funny, sorry, go ahead. Go ahead, jeff, my bad, no, no.
Speaker 4:I just wanted to say I had to give her mom some credit over here because even though she was going through that, she was still moving forward, trying to find solutions and trying to find the therapies and trying to find the help, cause he did get into early intervention, yeah.
Speaker 3:He did. He got into it pretty early.
Speaker 4:And even with that, it was hard for him to be, you know, with teachers or with, like the therapists. So mama will have to like step out the room. Oh, I know. So, he can concentrate.
Speaker 2:Right, so he can concentrate. I know those days.
Speaker 4:She was going through her, you know she was going through, you know her. Thing still, but she was still moving forward and trying to find the therapist and the help that she was.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's hard to see them come in and shake up their what's comfortable to them.
Speaker 4:It's, I would go.
Speaker 2:I'd have to go in the other room and let tears go down my face sometimes, cause I'm like I just is this necessary, you know? But it it made so much of a difference in our kids life that I'm like, yeah, I would do it all over again?
Speaker 1:Yeah 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So two things real quick. If you're watching this right now, I want you to leave a comment down below what is your struggle, what are you dealing with right now that you need someone to stand in the gap with you for and be there with you? We want every single comment someone leaves. We're going to respond and we're going to. We want to find a way to help you, if at all possible, whether it's through prayer, whether it's just through reaching out, whether it's finding people in the local community Like we I know Amanda and I and I know Jeff and Jessica y'all don't want other people to remain in that spot where you guys were at and where we were at, like that's. That's a tough spot, you know.
Speaker 3:And it's hard and I remember when I was going through this. I personally do not remember doctors or anybody telling me like hey, here's a support group Right. And they're like hey, we know this, I don't remember any of that, I have to do it myself.
Speaker 2:All the like work was on you, whether it was.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and for me my life has changed drastically, whether it was, you know, professionally, emotionally, like to the point where you know, both him and I both went to college. We both worked in our you know, in our fields. After I had my son, I became a stay-at-home mom but like the way my life was turning I was like wait a minute, like what, how you know? Like all I knew was my corporate nine to five. So I became a yoga instructor and for me, that helped me also through my journey with him and then to the point where now I'm a certified life coach.
Speaker 1:That's why.
Speaker 3:I'm. That's so awesome it really fulfills and fills my cup that I don't want people to feel that way, because I know how it feels to feel alone or not have anybody to say, hey, let me give you a helping hand, or hey, I did the research for you, or you know, I did this and I did that. So the fact that we both had to do our own work and heal and try to parent at the same time, I just, if I can help somebody and save you 10 steps, then that's what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. If there's someone that just resonated with you, reach out to her because I really feel like we're gonna put her on the spot. That's an incredible resource. That's an incredible resource right there and I think so many people they just they need someone who's been through it.
Speaker 4:They need someone to walk through them with it sometimes. That's the whole reason we're doing this, because people don't have to be alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they don't have to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you know I try to help as many different avenues as I can. Again, I'm. You know, my son is six years old, so you know everybody's in different levels. I don't have a teen or I don't have an adult, but that's just a learning curve as we get older but you know I do help a lot of moms and families, whether it's early intervention, whether it's I peace for school. What are your rights?
Speaker 3:You know your 504 plan like all that stuff like whatever I know, I have knowledge, I'm in or I've been through or I can help. That's where I come in to help these families or these parents, because I know how important it is, or sometimes these parents don't have the resources or it's hard for them.
Speaker 4:For sure.
Speaker 3:So I, if I did the work, why not share?
Speaker 2:it Right absolutely, or why not help, right? I love that Cause. There wasn't anything like that when I was going through. At least I didn't know about it, if there was you know Me.
Speaker 3:Either Me too, I don't feel like any of that was brought to my attention, or I didn't even know where to begin to look Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then my second thing is this I'm gonna put Jeff on the spot, Jeff from a dad's perspective. How was that? How was that for you? Like the whole process of watching your son become who he is now, and like the struggles you went through and the moments of celebration, and like how if you could just sum it up how did that look like for you?
Speaker 3:That's a good question. I like it.
Speaker 4:So in the, in the very beginning it was, it was hard, yeah, right, but seeing seeing her go through what she was going through, with the self-blame and all that stuff, I kind of felt like I had to be like even killed, even though I am like that all the time, like to me, I lived. I lived a life. Like you know, things happen is either you're gonna dwell on it or you're gonna try to find a solution, right? So my thing is just let's move forward and try to find a solution. Yeah, you can't cry over spilled milk. We have to just clean it up and keep it right. So that's how I feel and that's how kind of like I always felt and she always like looks at me like you never, you know. And I'm like, it's not that I do feel, I do have feelings and I do feel certain ways right, but it's just that me showing we both can't show yeah that's how we both show it then how we move.
Speaker 1:Yeah, someone's got to be the rock if someone else has to be sponge at times.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so you know, if I got to pick her up and help her, you know, continue to do all the stuff that she does and vice versa. One of us have to be right. So now, so you know when it came. When it comes to to Jackson, I just try to be my best to try to make him feel like a, like a regular child with the horse play we're playing ball with.
Speaker 4:You know the stuff like that he likes all that stuff, so it was like I try to do it as much as I can so he can feel you know as normal as I can, I mean just me, know me, me. You know growing up with brothers and stuff like that so I just want him to feel that you know that same feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel you on that. That is, that is that's my mission too for our son, for Ezra just to know that, like he's included and that he doesn't have to be treated any different for the most part than other children, aside of accommodations it's wild because the therapists come in.
Speaker 2:I remember the occupational therapists, like you know, banging pillows off of him and like wrapping him up in blankets and like doing all this stuff. And I'm thinking, you know, all this looks like play, you know, but it was what his body's craving, so when him and daddy start wrestling, it's like it's actually very unique to them.
Speaker 1:Like those times are actually like what they need. I think that's so awesome.
Speaker 3:For sure it's that vestibular system you know yeah and I think to feed off of what he was saying, was just because a child is on the spectrum doesn't mean that people have to pity them or you have to treat them any different, like my son has, you know, five finger, like ten fingers and toes.
Speaker 3:You know stuff like that, like there's nothing else wrong, and you know we try to give him, you know, the liberty to pick and choose, like, for example, he was horseback riding at one point, great, and then he didn't want to do it anymore. That's fine. So it's like I want him to live a life where he has tried everything like his sister would right, and I don't want to take anything away from him now if it's something that we know that he not that I don't want to say that he cannot do, but might be challenging or saw something for him at this present moment. Maybe me being just mom, I won't push him, but dad kind of also gauges and like, listen, like you're being a mom right now.
Speaker 3:He can do it, he can do it and you know, and I'll step back, but for the most part I, like he said, we try to give our son the normalist easiest like fun childhood that we can do and let him kind of show us his interests are or what, or whatever it is that he wants to do. I love that.
Speaker 2:I love what you just said so much because I think, with all the early intervention and all the things, and we just want our child to be the best version of themselves is like they're still a kid. They're still a child and they need to experience that normalcy, just getting to be a kid and I thought those therapies aren't good, I think they are.
Speaker 3:But I just feel like one thing that I noticed everything is too structured right and again we're being taught for them to be structured in a root scheme and this and that that might work for some kids. But just because your child is autistic and it might work for one, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to do that for your child.
Speaker 3:So for me, my son, he doesn't work off a structure, like he's fine. Like his teachers come up to me and they're like I can't believe how. Like he doesn't get thrown off. Like all travel, this little boy has been traveling since he's been six months. Right, different time zones, or you know he misses a nap, or we're on a different you know time frame, whatever it is, and he's fine.
Speaker 3:That's so good, I don't need to, we don't need to do anything where we have to kind of regulate him or anything like that. It's very rare. But does he have, you know, certain sensitivities? Is he, you know? Is he sometimes bothered with loud noises? Yes, and everything like that? What I do is I'm not gonna pull him away from everything, but I will accommodate him because in the real world, as much as I would love, love, love, love, love, to be there for everything and protect him from everything, right? So the only thing that I could do is kind of prepare him a little bit for, like, okay, we're going to a birthday party, right, he's done so much better at being with the noise, but he's not too fond of the happy birthday song, right? So what do I do? Either bring headphones, take him out or I see how he does, and sometimes he's surprised he stays, and it's okay because he's getting both the best world, like he's been in that setting or we just remove. Yes, that's what you have to do but.
Speaker 3:I'm not gonna miss a birthday if he can handle it right.
Speaker 2:I think that's what causes so many families to be isolated. Is that that they just shut down and they stop going to any of those things, because what might?
Speaker 1:happen or what embarrassment right well in thing to like how big of a deal it is for a child, even a neuro typical child, to be invited to a birthday party at that age that's pretty honestly, it's not very common for children on the spectrum, children like ours and it breaks my heart.
Speaker 2:I know we've invited kids out to Ezra's party like this is the first party that they've ever been invited to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know yeah, so that's a big deal you're so right like for him to be able to do those things and be invited and be part of those things. That's huge. That makes a big deal and. I think for us we've noticed it's helped.
Speaker 4:It's helped how our son regulates transitions, for sure yeah, yeah yeah, I just think it exposed, and exposing them to those things, those normalities, right, just expose them to see how they are. Maybe they okay with it, maybe they're not. Yeah, so you can't just, like you said, isolate yourself and be like, oh no, we can't go because right well that.
Speaker 3:I try to do that when he was little.
Speaker 3:When he was little, little, I'd be like, oh no, he doesn't like this, he doesn't like that and then again it had to hit me where I'm like, well, yeah, he's not gonna like it, but if I don't try, he's not gonna know anything else. Right, and all I kept saying was I can't do this thing because I'm doing a disservice, right? So what we would do is, when he was younger, he really all he wanted to do is just sit on my lap. He didn't want to play with anybody, he didn't want to do anything. So I said, look, I we would have to make a game plan. Say, look, if we're going to this birthday, start small.
Speaker 3:We're there that's a huge step, but let him sit on my lap. It doesn't matter if he doesn't play. I don't care if he doesn't do anything but the fact that we got into this birthday and we stayed the whole time.
Speaker 3:That's one. We will tackle everything later. Just stop pushing, because, you know, sometimes and I don't know if it's a dad thing dads are like oh no, let him go play that above, yes, but at the same time, like you have to give him his space. You know, they mean like, let him slowly and gradually get there, because I don't want my fears, I don't want him to think that every time we leave the house or we go to a birthday it's like, oh, I'm detached from mom.
Speaker 2:Now I have to, like you know, somebody's gonna force me to do something but he does amazing and that's because you guys you guys didn't hunker down and you guys let him have those experiences. I think that's so important as well. Oh yeah yeah, he's.
Speaker 3:He's been very well experienced since a baby and and, like I said, we picked and choose our battles. You know we pick and choose what we're gonna do. You know we, even if it's something that I'm like okay, maybe it's not okay, I will still find the accommodations, but if it's something that we noticed that it was like not at all, we just wouldn't do it yeah y'all are awesome, I love that that's such good advice to parents stay really sure me to hear that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so yeah, and we we've already kind of worked our way into this. But on to the next question what are the three best things that you guys can think of? What are the three best things about raising a child on the spectrum in your opinion.
Speaker 3:I would say the three best things is the challenge of it, and I'll go and I'll explain it. The challenge of Raising a child, the special needs, but also the challenge of being a mom and, you know, being parents to one. And then the acceptance. Yeah it's like something really happy for me. And then what would you say?
Speaker 4:I would say, just the experience, right to learning, learning a whole new community, helping, try to you know, try to help in others from what you you know, from what you have already learned or You're learning. In each one teach one type mentality, right. So that's why, that's why I would think that was because Before you know, before Jackson, we didn't know, yeah, anything about autism, right. So now it's like now we see so many parents going through it or so many families going through it that we're willing to help you know and share our experiences and try to help as many parents or as many families as we can 100% so and then the challenge and accepting for me I believe for me is a high point and a positive thing is because you know.
Speaker 3:Again, we didn't know anything. And I feel like If somebody tells you like, hey, your life is gonna be like this and like that before you even see it for the most part Human nature you're gonna say, well, I don't want to live that way, or I don't want to do that, or I'm not gonna do it.
Speaker 3:You know, because it's scary, right? So, since we live in a in a life of the unknown, no one knew that my son was gonna be autistic. Yeah, you know, and it happened. So what am I gonna do?
Speaker 3:So, as far as the challenge, it really challenges me as a human, as a person, me as a mom and Just me as myself, to say wow, like if I felt like, was tough before I, and I'm doing it and I don't have a choice, because this is my life, this is my child, and especially being a first-time mom, you know. So the fact that this happened to me and I and in the acceptance that you know, I Accepted it and I have the positive outlook for him and I'm and I want nothing but the best for him Really puts me in a space that I'm like this challenge that that has been giving to me, that you know, we still have a long way to go. It's like I'm ready for it and I'll keep pushing. Yeah, like nothing. I don't think anything can bring me down anymore. I don't think, you know, I have a different outlook of myself, who I am as a human and who I am as a woman.
Speaker 3:Yes and I feel like, whatever this reasoning was, for whatever gift is given to me is just to prove my strengths and my and my and my Superwoman powers of who I am meant to be in this life.
Speaker 1:You're a superhero.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think you're, you're on the something that struggles in our life, like the hardships. I think they can really pull out the golden us if we let them. You know they it like, they refine us and they bring forth like all that patience you didn't know you had. Well, now you have more, truly. And then, like I love what you said, jeff, as well, because I feel the same way I like we would not be as involved in this community, we wouldn't have a clue, honestly, had we not firsthand had experience, and it gives you a heart that you couldn't have had for those people.
Speaker 2:Yeah you know it changes the way that you approach parents that are going through the same thing and then you meet so many people you never would have met otherwise.
Speaker 3:You know there's no it shapes your life in such a, such a unique way it's crazy, because and I think it might be a grounding point, like sometimes, and not even in, let's just say, like you know, not our children, but sometimes you know how things happen to us in life I'm like, oh, like, why did that happen? Like you know, you don't know why, but sometimes things ground you, things humble you and it's for a reason.
Speaker 3:You might have not went through it physically, but like maybe just my son, to like what's going on with me and my family. Maybe it was a purpose for me I don't know to be grounded, humble or thankful, whatever the case may be. But now I totally see life in a whole different, different, different way.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, thankfulness is so vital, for sure, see, seeing things from the lens of of a thankful heart and really walking through long suffering Creates that. You know, being in the trenches with someone through thick and thin, in the moments where you would have given up ten years ago, I, yeah, let you know that you are not the same person.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Who was that?
Speaker 3:No, and I think. I think what's interesting is because so when him and when we met, it wasn't we were together for a while, but I feel like you know how you get to know somebody. I'm sure you're getting your husband, you know, whatever, and all these little things, but I feel like to have your first child and and being on the spectrum with somebody that you're also getting to know, like to me. I'm like if this doesn't make a break it, I don't know what because?
Speaker 3:that itself is the law right. So the fact that, like I said before, it brought us together I. Don't know if that was our purpose or not, you know and it really can do one of two things.
Speaker 2:And I think early on, todd and I we saw the statistics of this ending and divorce, you know, and we just said we're not gonna be a statistic Like we're gonna push into each other because we need each other more than ever and I'm so grateful and you know what?
Speaker 3:I think and and I'm not saying you know, if of course nobody wants to do worse, and you know, especially when it's over the kids, or especially, you know, with a child with a disability, it's unfortunate. But if it's hard for the actual parents, yeah, who's to say that? I won't be hard if you're Separated?
Speaker 1:or I, somebody else, or you're with because they don't how much harder, that's not their child. On top of that, compounding it, how much harder it is, it is on the child who doesn't understand their world. They're in.
Speaker 3:I think once you find the common denominator between you and your partner of how to move forward, or what sticks you guys together To move forward for your child's, I think you're golden. You know, once you figure it out.
Speaker 3:But, but it's hard. You know whether you are already having problems before. You know marriage or relationship Is hard already and then add that to the mix is a lot. But I feel like if you both have that good intention, you both want the best for the child, that Right there should be more than a motivation to bring you together for sure, push through for sure.
Speaker 1:And I think I think, at the end of the day, yeah, if you are watching this and you are a parent to a child with autism and you haven't yet, just don't look at the statistics. Yeah, they're, they're just annoying. Every last statistic out there. You are not a statistic. Don't trust it. It's trash. It's garbage. You are not a statistic.
Speaker 2:So yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright, the three hardest things about raising your child.
Speaker 3:I Would say the three hardest things is the expectation that society has for your child and for you as a parent, and I would say also the different challenges that you face every day as your child gets older. As you know as child, as children tend to do, they get older and then you're dealing with different things. You know Once you feel like you want, I feel like once you like. I think I mastered it, because now you're going into a next thing instead of things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then what would you say?
Speaker 4:The scheduling, just the scheduling of, you know, trying to fit both our schedules together School drop-offs, his therapies, his doctor's appointments, his you know pediatrician is neurologist.
Speaker 2:It's like a whole job in itself.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we even have a yeah, we even have a holistic pediatrician for him. So it's like all these different, all these you know things trying to work our schedule for it, just you know, trying to make everything work between us as entrepreneurs. And then also, you know, man with him, you know it's not enough hours, right and God forbid.
Speaker 2:Somebody gets sick on top of all of it, like oh man, yes.
Speaker 3:It literally sets you back 100%.
Speaker 2:Oh man, your whole day yes.
Speaker 1:What's that song? One step forward and two steps back. That's how it feels sometimes, oh my God.
Speaker 3:I'm like. I'm like no, you can't get sick yeah Not happening.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, then having two, one gets out of you, oh yeah. Then it passes to the other and that is like oh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:It's challenging, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those were great, y'all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. It's absolutely one last big question we're going to ask you guys what is one thing that you could tell a family who's going through it, a family who may be struggling, may not know where to turn, what to do. They're just figuring this thing out, maybe they're just got their diagnosis. They're in that stage. You guys know what I'm talking about. What is one thing that you would tell them, just to encourage them?
Speaker 3:So I'll speak on my behalf as a woman and I'll let dad do his thing too.
Speaker 3:I would say for a woman and as a mom if you're in in this nitty gritty right now, just don't lose hope, because it is so easy to lose that hope and to lose that faith or anything that you're thinking, it is so quick to just spiral down.
Speaker 3:But don't lose it, because I've been in that dark place and, like I said before, I've been in that self-blame and you know, nobody could tell me anything, because this is just how I feel.
Speaker 3:But I promise you, once you give yourself that grace, once you find yourself, you know, coming out of that darkness, whatever it is, whether you find therapy, whether it's church related, whether it's whatever it is that you find that peace within yourself. And as much as you're walking through that dark tunnel, you feel like you're not going to see that light. I promise you and I assure you, because I was there 100%. When I walked out of that dark tunnel and I saw that light, I was like, oh my God, like I didn't think this day was going to happen. And once you come out into that shining bright light, like it's endless for you, like all of all the you know possibilities, that you had, everything that you wanted to do, plus more. All these ideas and the fact that you're advocating for your child and helping for him is the biggest gifts that you can give yourself.
Speaker 1:So don't lose hope.
Speaker 3:Just keep pushing Surround yourself by people that are going to advocate for you that are going to be there for you that are going to nourish you and help you mentally.
Speaker 3:And again, sometimes you know family might not be that big support and that's okay. You can find friends, you can find you know groups, anybody, as long as you are in that right circle, that's all you need and it doesn't need to be a certain type, because I know a lot of people also struggle with families being acceptance of their situation and that could be really hard because you rely on your family. But to be honest with you, I think for me, because I had the support of him, I felt like that's all I really needed and I wasn't looking for my family for the support. I think I was looking in it more for myself and who's out there that can relate to me right, because if you can't relate to me not that I'm saying you can't be any help, but I just needed somebody to know what I was going through, to sympathize exactly what I was going through. So support groups are out there.
Speaker 3:You guys are doing an amazing job creating this podcast for people whether it's just listening and they're not chiming in, but they feel better, right, because each segment that you might have could be relatable to somebody. So them just listening, that's an outlet. So you guys are doing great, I think, this is amazing and there's so much more help. You know. I didn't I don't think I had those resources at the time, but the fact that you guys are doing this and there's so much resources, there's no reason to lose hope.
Speaker 1:There's something out there for everybody.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4:I'm going to say speak to the dads right, be acceptance of it. Right, don't be a fast dude accepting it. Don't be in denial. Don't start a riff with your wife. Be supportive of her. Right, she's going through a lot. You might be going through a lot, but you can't or don't want to express it as much. Right, just be supportive of her, help her out, be the rock for the family, but also be involved. Right, be involved. Be acceptance that helps with the healing process.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:That's amazing, I love that, Guys.
Speaker 1:that was awesome. That was so good. I love that. People needed to hear that. I know we did. People need to hear it.
Speaker 2:And I love hearing from other fathers because there's a void almost in this community of dads and there shouldn't be.
Speaker 4:I just I believe y'all are so vital to our kids and to this community.
Speaker 2:So I just think that's amazing, Jeff.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:With her. With her, you know, see, you have some clients and says can your husband talk to my husband? He's not, you know, he's not on board of what I'm trying to do, and stuff like that. And then you know I try to help out as much as I can, talking to the dads, but it's hard.
Speaker 3:It's not like women like they'll be like okay, or like you kind of cut, you can pull them. Dads are a whole different ball game.
Speaker 3:So, I'm like I have him for you, it's just I can't bring him to you. Like you know, he it's a 50-50 thing, so it's something that we're also trying to create awareness as well, like we want to help, whether it's me helping the mom or like him talking to a dad you know, and I think as much as I would think it would be an easier thing because it's a man to man, Not it? No?
Speaker 2:we're more guarded than you the pride with their sometimes can get in the way. It's the pride, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just not fully. I know I know a lot of the men that we've talked to you in the past. It's like it's hard for them to accept it sometimes For sure. But it's like, like he said, get on the acceptance train.
Speaker 1:Let's go, yeah, yeah. As soon as you have the opportunity to accept, then you can start advocating. Yeah, and once you advocate for your kid, you'll be the best dad you ever thought you could be, that's right.
Speaker 3:And then some.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you know, I think for dads it might be harder because you know dads are so used to like oh, my son's going to play football and my son's going to do this and my son's going to do that.
Speaker 3:And, to be honest with you, I literally feel like these kids are so unique and so smart in their own way that to me I'm like, ok, he might not play football, but you don't know who he's going to be, that's right. You don't know what he's going to be, what he's going to do, and you know. Not that I'm saying playing a sport is everything, but for my son, for example, he's nonverbal. The fact that my son literally knows how to read a book, he knows how to maneuver his iPad, he knows how to go into Proloquo, which is his AAC device, and it amazes me because sometimes I try to put myself in his shoes and I'm like, oh my God, if I couldn't speak, like would I have the capacity to do what you do? Right?
Speaker 3:You know, because he has to get his foot.
Speaker 1:They have to figure out ways that we just can't put him.
Speaker 3:Yes, and for me I see that he's very gadget-y, like he thrives off of gadgets, but he does so good at figuring things out. The other day I saw him with one tablet. He had two screens. I'm like how did you do that?
Speaker 2:Like if you got out of it, I couldn't help him. I don't even know what he did. I'm telling you I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So for me, sometimes I'm like you know what I'm like I, you know whatever it is that he's going to be in life and whatever it is that he's aspiring to be, that's just what it's going to be. And if he's going to be, I don't know, a wizard for computers or whatever, hey, more power to him because people go to school. I'm not a gadget-y person.
Speaker 1:I know I wouldn't mind being Elon Musk's dad. I'm just saying yeah, exactly you know yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean they're going to want to hire people like that. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Like exactly, yeah. So sometimes we have to let go of those stereotypes Like I know we all want this and we want that, but I think whatever, especially for our children who, like for my daughter, she might be more verbal and say hey. I want to do this I want to do that or I want to be this. I don't want to be that. That's fine. But the fact that our children become something, whatever it is, we're not molding them, we're not telling them. They can't even tell us they're finding their own direction.
Speaker 3:So, whatever my son is going to be in life, I'm going to be so proud of him and encouraged him because he did that on his own. I didn't do it. You get behind him.
Speaker 1:You get to check him out.
Speaker 3:Yes, exactly, and.
Speaker 2:I love that they're not influenced by anybody else. It's what they truly love.
Speaker 3:No, they don't think so. That's why I say sometimes we get fixated on what society? On society, on societal roles, I should say. And you know, like I said, all the time I'm like, you know, I tell him, I'm like, hey, if our son doesn't play a sport, is that going to bother you, Like, is it a maker break deal? But the fact that my son can figure out what he wants without us guiding him or without us putting him stuff, to me that's amazing.
Speaker 1:That's awesome isn't it.
Speaker 2:And you just never know. We met a mom a few weekends ago and her kid not only was, he was a valedictorian broke the school's GPA record 4.8. And he won. An all-star athlete Was a.
Speaker 1:D1 recruit in four different sports, had one and a half million dollars of scholarships. Couldn't speak to him when he was eight years old.
Speaker 2:Come on, you just never know. And that's not the sky's the limit. We can't put limits on them because we have no idea who they'll be or what they'll do. I love that.
Speaker 1:Yep, well guys, jeff, jessica, thank you guys for coming on.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you so much, thank you all.
Speaker 1:And listen. If you're watching this episode or you're listening to this episode, show them some love.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:Go on Autism Superhero on their Instagram. Check them out, follow them. Order some merch from them guys yeah, look at the shirts, show them off, yeah, yeah, yeah shirt, I love it, yes, so show them some. Love this couple. They're amazing people. You guys are awesome.
Speaker 2:We're so glad to have interviewed you. Thank you so much. Yeah, you all have encouraged us so much as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:No, likewise, likewise. Thank you, of course.
Speaker 1:Well, you want to praise out Amanda.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's say a quick prayer Okay. Lord Reedus, thank you for today. We thank you for this episode and all of the encouragement that's just gone forth. I just thank you for Jeff and Jessica and Jackson and their whole family full of Jays. I love it so much.
Speaker 1:And Lord.
Speaker 2:I just ask that you'd use their story today just to touch someone's life, that maybe there's a place in there that just really resonated with someone. Maybe they're needing some life coaching, they're needing someone to help them through the beginning process and they've got Jessica's contact info right there ready to go and I just, I just bless them and I bless their son and I thank you once again for today and for this episode and Jesus' name Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm.
Speaker 1:Todd, thank you. I'm Amanda, jeff and Jessica, and we are not an island podcast. Until next time, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
